I know working mums are the norm. Somehow though we’ve ended up at a school with perhaps more than the average number of stay at home mums. As a result, I do feel like a fish out of water at the school gates. My son is an expert at laying on the guilt on about me being a working mum. He was thrilled that his school excursion this term was on my non-work day so that I could come and be the helper mum. When I volunteered to help I was told by his teacher that she had already given the role to another mum (one that doesn’t work and helps at the school all the time). There were tears from my son, and once again I felt guilty. I was subsequently horrified to hear that his teacher had told him not to be upset, that I could come and help on the school camp instead. What??? Help on the school camp! Instead of helping on an excursion on my day off work the alternative had been offered to my son for me to take multiple days off work, and to spend the night away from my three year old – who knows if my husband would be in town/on call/able to look after her. It occurred to me that this lovely teacher (who does an amazing job by the way) perhaps just didn’t understand how difficult it is for working mums to take time off work to engage with the school. In general I have felt supported by my child’s school and teachers as a working mum however there are some entrenched biases and/or challenges that raise their head again and again. I know that I am not alone, that the working mums out there share similar issues as I do with their kid’s schooling. Consequently this article is public service as such – feel free to share it with your kids’ schools if you like.
I try, really I do, but you are just going to have to remind me to hand in those damn forms.
I’m the disorganised mum – the one that forgets to hand back excursion forms, our home is an abyss into which library books disappear, and school bake sales are the things of my nightmares – this kids are lucky if I remember to send them in with a supermarket baked cake. The reason I’m the disorganised mum is partially just because I”m me, but mainly because I have so many balls in the air that I am prone to drop a few. It’s not that school paperwork isn’t a priority, rather that I have other more pressing priorities such as somedays as a doctor I hope, saving lives. Keeping my kids fed, clothed and loved is another top priority. I like to think that ultimately my children will be proud of the person I am, including my work contribution. As it is they receive plenty of love, cuddles, and stories from me as well – organised school paperwork, not so much.
If they forget their school lunch they are just going to have to deal with it.
As I said above, keeping my kids fed is a top priority in our house. As such, the kids have lunches packed for them each day. We believe in the children learning to take some responsibility for themselves. If they forget to take that packed lunch to school it is their mistake. Much as I hate the idea of the children being hungry at school the practicalities of me leaving work, traveling home to pick up the forgotten lunch, taking the lunch to school and them commuting back to work is unfeasible. By all means call me to tell me that my child has forgotten their lunch, and ask their sibling to share their lunch with them, but don’t expect me to bring the lunch into school. I am happy instead to have a huge afternoon tea ready when the kids are pick up from school.
If the kid is sick try calling Dad sometimes.
My hubby is kicking goals on the home front right now – genuinely sharing the parenting load marvellously. He is just as able at caring for a sick kid as I am and equally as inconvenienced as I am at having to leave work to pick the child up. In the interest of marital harmony please sometimes call my child’s Dad when they need to be pick up early from school.
If you are going to give my child an award please give me some notice
I am just as proud as any parent when my child is recognised for an award at school. I also feel guilty, and my child is sad if I can’t attend to watch them collect the award. The thing is, I need some time to arrange alternatives that will allow me to skip out of work and attend award ceremonies at the school – ideally a week’s notice. If you only tell me about the award ceremony, say on Friday, and the ceremony is on Monday I will not be able to attend. This will lead to tears in our house.
We may not get leave from work on school holidays so we need to take our family holidays in school time.
My husband and I have to work through most school holidays and some public holidays – consequently the kids have to spend more time in vacation care than they would like. Getting time off work in school holidays for us can be really challenging however another of our priorities is spending quality time together as a family. This means that on occasion we will take the children out of school for a family vacation. It won’t necessarily be educational (although it often is), it may sound just like frivolous fun (we love spending time at the beach) but spending that time together is essential to our emotional and physical health. I am more than happy to facilitate the kids keeping up with their school work while we are away.
What else would you like your kid’s teacher to know about being a working mum?
I’d like for all schools to send home (or better, email!) all of the special fixed dates in their calendar for each year so that one can really plan ahead. Sports days, camps, parent-teacher interview weeks, teacher education days/retreats/whatever the hell they call it when your children will require care on a day you would otherwise assume was a normal school day, special awards ceremonies such as are usually held at the end of each semester, charity days, cupcake day, whatever. All of it. And if the dates aren’t fixed but they usually happen sometime in week __ of term __, great, tell us that too. I have many friends who are teachers and who know months ahead of time when these types of events are scheduled, so schools should be able to inform parents too; with the caveat that they reserve the right to change dates at short notice should circumstances require it. And if the school really wants to do right by its parents, it should send out this information in the 3rd week of January, when teachers resume their working year and most of these decisions are made.
Oh my goodness Nicole – YES. I booked a work conference this year only to be told at the end of term one it coincided with the school play. That was an expensive cancel that I had to make.
Oh yes, please! And 1 need a months notice,not a week. But most of these things are planned months in advance, so a calendar should be very achievable.
I have to give my school 10/10 as one time I booked a lunch order for the wrong day so the kids didn’t get any lunch – so the teacher took them to the staff room and made them a sandwich ❤️ And I was non the wiser until that night. I do hear you on the awards ceremonies- I am the only one who sheds tears tho!
Your school does get 10/10 for the sandwich fixing Kate – that is lovely. The time I told them I just couldn’t come home from work to sort the problem my son’s teacher gave him her own muesli bar – he must have been hungry as he usually won’t eat them!
That on the odd occasion when I do do drop offs (other than before and after school care) that if I pop my head in to see how it’s going that I’m being engaged/checking in and not being high maintenance.
Agree with all the points Dani – I think we need two weeks notice almost for awards. Thankfully our current school does school awards first up in their school assembly so there is still hope to get to work by 9am – strangely sensible (and also allows fathers who work regular hours to attend too).
Would love to hear more about how school is going in Darwin for your fam Alana x